I have a dog, D, and she is ruining my life. When I have men over she competes for all of their attention with her snot covered stuffed animal. She stares at them with her big eyes, whines and wags her tale. That’s right; my dog flirts with my dates.
She is more persistent then any drunk college girl or sex deprived divorcee. If I lock her in the other room, she whines more and demands to be let out. When I’m making out on the couch, she’ll put her chin on the edge of the cushion and stare. If we are watching a movie she’ll take her stuff animal and shove it in his crotch. If I try to cuddle her she’ll wiggle free and attack the guy with kisses and step on his dick.
She’s impossible! D can be cute but not when she is competing with me. Back off D! His dick is mine!
To be pleasant my dates will typically ask me about her. What kind of dog is she? Where did you get her? How long have you had her? They share their opinion on how weird, cute, or fun they think she is. I tell them that she is a pain in the ass and try to change the subject, but she keeps coming back with that stupid stuff animal. D shoves it into their crotch, legs and barks to be played with. My date will entertain her for a while, hoping to appease her. There is no appeasing D because she’ll always be back for more. To get rid of her I am forced to bribe her with a treat. I pay her with peanut butter for her silence and obedience.
After the peanut butter transaction, my date and I can focus on hanging out. We can flirt and enjoy each other’s company. If things heat up, he might spend the night. The problem is D wakes up early to be fed, so she will cry outside the door demanding food. Once she is fed she’ll whine outside to be cuddled and so forth and so on. It never ends and only so much peanut butter can help.
Caesar, the Dog Whisperer, How do you handle this cock blocking selfish animal!?